James the Tank Engine
by travid117
Summary: James is a very busy engine, he works in a college for impeccable young engines and today he's teaching his 'Welsh Bacc' group, how will he fare? Will they actually get some work done or will James go chugga chugga into depression? (This isn't about the canon James)


James the Tank Engine.

"Toot toot," murmured James and he made his way to his Science classroom. James the Tank Engine had always been into two things, science and beer, he was even starting up his own brewery, which was doomed to fail, as he had no hands, but he kept working at it.

"JAMES!"

A voice echoed through the halls, James gulped and turned to see the Fat Controller on the other end of the hall.

"Hello, sir," James tried to say professionally.

"AHHAHAHHA!" Boomed the Fat Controller, "You James the Tank Engine are a piece of work! Now go teach your STUPID Welsh Bacc class!" And so, the Fat Controller hobbled away, his belly shaking and his cheeks a-rosy.

James started to cry, he wished he could wash away the tears so that his class couldn't see but alas, wheels can't dry tears. With that he greeted his students outside the door and let them in, he turned the lights on and the white coloured walls gleamed with scientific buffoonery and anti-God artefacts, James was lucky that everyone was allowed an opinion in this world.

"Good morning class," James huffed as a cloud of steam emerged from his chimney.

"Good Morning," the class uttered, sticking to opening their Welsh Bacc books of death.

"Now today class," James looked around to see three people listening, still he huffed on, "we will be watching another episode of Dragon's Den!" James was about the continue when.

"BEEP BEEP, OH LADS THAT'S PROPA!" A loud laugh came from the back of the classroom, the male students at the back were fussing again, breaking the rules, on their phones and drinking drinks, this made James a very angry engine.

"YOU GUYS STOP THIS INSTANT!" And James sprayed water on them.

Soon the boys silenced, their engines thoroughly soaked. "Now then," James continued, "Let's watch it." James turned on the projector and everyone cried.

~ Dragons Den theme tune ~

"So, what have you got for us today?" Deborah Meaden, the hottest engine of the lot asked.

"Well," a stuttering engine began, "This is our robotic hand model, we will use these as hands, rather than never being able to use hands.

"What's the net profit?" Steamy Peter Jones the tank engine asked.

"Ah well, last year we sold 200 units which gave us a net profit of 4 oil tubes," A shocking revelation indeed.

~James skips 5 minutes because half the class has turned their engines off~

"MH ok," The entrepreneur sighed, "could you give me a moment to talk with my conductor?" Quickly he chugged to the other side of the room, the steam protruding from his head was that of confusion.

After a few long seconds of waiting, the engine came back, his stream had evaporated and left the floor kind of wet but that didn't matter, he was making the biggest decision of his life.

"Thank you all for your consideration, you're all amazing engines but I've decided to go with," The camera panned over the dragons, the room shook with anticipation and a toot toot, tooted.

"I've decided to go with, Thomas, Thomas the tank engine." The engine bellowed out, huffing, claps all around the room, Thomas chugged over and knocked over the entrepreneur to the surprise of the other engines.

"THIS IS THOMAS'S INVENTION NOW!" Thomas chugged away with the hands in tow, as oil spilled from the entrepreneurs wound, a sign that Thomas was the most powerful engine.

~End~

"ALL HAIL THOMAS." The class chanted in unison, along with James.

Soon enough the class had gotten into their business tasks. Group 1, consisting of the funniest engine alive, an engine who never turned up, an engine who could do maths, an engine that hated Christmas but loved Santa and an engine that just took notes, was creating an American diner, which only served the finest motor oil. As far as James was concerned, this was the only team that was going to actually succeed in their business plans with all A*'s.

"The other groups don't matter," Uttered James, under his breath as he went to his computer.

"CHUGGA CHUGGA CHOO CHOO" A loud chugga echoed through the room, shaking the student trains and worrying James.

"IT'S A TRAIN WASP!" A student cried, leaping from her loading bay and using the tracks to traverse to the opposite side of the classroom. Following suit, several other students decided to chugga away from their seats in panic.

"Sit back down!" James cried, a little steam escaping. No one listened though, everyone was too caught up in the angry insect that was bound to sting them and release some of their oil.

"HE'S GONNA EAT US!" One train cried,

"No he's not you silly train, God it's just a wasp," A edgy engine replied,

"KILL IT, WAIT NO, GET RID OF IT!" An older engine cried as she chugged to the window in an attempt to open it. "I HAVE NO HANDS," She cried as she smashed the window with her face.

"Chugga… choo," The train wasp escaped the classroom and all became normal.

"Uh so what should we do now, we're all a bit shaken," asked a train from group 2, she'd obviously gotten her wheels in a twist.

James walked to the middle of the class, assuring that all eyes were on him, "Now, we're going to make a business plan," James announced proudly, unfortunately, it was 1:30pm, and everyone decided to leave.

"But..." James was left, in a puddle of his own oil on the floor, "No..."

THE END.


End file.
